Jakey Bear is 10!

I can't believe it's already been ten wonderful years since we welcomed this amazing spirit into our family. From birth, Jake has been kind, thoughtful, sweet, and SO cuddly. Due to pregnancy complications (high blood pressure), I was on bed rest for the last part of my pregnancy with Jake and had non-stress tests and level 3 ultrasounds twice a week for the last couple months. Not to be outdone by his older siblings, Jake arrived as soon as was safe! He was due on February 15th, but was born nice and early on January 28th. I had been having contractions for a few weeks and was more than ready to get this little guy here. I had seen Dr. Winter a few days before, and he told me he would meet me in his office in the evening (he was on call) and if I was a 5 he would admit me (I was already almost a 4). By sheer force of will, I made SURE I was at a 5 and we headed over to the hospital. I had even had my hair done earlier that day so I would look good for labor (just kidding...I just knew I wouldn't be able to get my hair done anytime soon with three kids four and under!) Labor started pretty uneventfully after Dr. Winter broke my water and my body started "moving". I went from a 5 to a 7 in an hour and then I stalled at a 7 for THREE LONG HOURS. Having attempted to have both Hailey and Spencer without drugs (I got to a 9 with Spencer), I was determined that this would be it...I was going to do it this time! A "whiff" of pitocin got me going again and I started to progress pretty quickly. I couldn't believe it when the nurses told me I was ready to push! I had done it! I had stayed in control...without any drugs! Wow...I was amazing. Then I realized I had to push this little guy out and the pain REALLY hit and I started swearing up a storm. I also lost all "motherly" instinct and yelled at Dr. Winter to "GET IT OUT!!!" A couple of pushes later and out sweet little bundle of pure love arrived in my arms. Being the "boy" that he is he proceeded to nurse for an HOUR! Seriously, my milk came in the next day! I was so excited to have another boy in our house. Having grown up in a houseful of girls, I was really liking the "boy" thing. Jake was the perfect addition to our home, and Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing by sending him 3rd. Three kids four and under was quite a crazy, stressful time for me (and here I was only 26)-but Jake was such a sweet baby. He only cried if he was hungry or tired. The rest of the time he would lay in his crib I had set up downstairs and just watch the chaos of our home. Jake has always been my "buddy". When I was pregnant with Sammy (he was two) I was again put on bedrest (for preterm labor this time) and Jake would spend the mornings laying in bed and watching "Clifford the Big Red Dog" while he sucked his thumb and rubbed my belly. Even though he's a "big guy" now, he still gives me lots of hugs and rubs my back in church. Jake definitely has a stubborn streak-which is currently manifesting itself with his refusal to wear anything but shorts. Yes, we live in California, but come ON! Jake loves to learn and especially to read. He is good at so many things. Jake has always had a lot of friends and is good at getting along with lots of people. Matt and I are so proud to raise such a wonderful son. Looking back on his sweet little face in all these pictures, I can't believe that Jake is already 10. Time really does go way too fast.

Game Night with Papa Paul

Last Sunday we were so lucky to have Papa Paul drive down from Laguna Beach after church to spend some time with us! Paul is the most amazing grandpa to my kids. He will read to them for hours, play games, take them to Sea World and The Wild Animal Park-you name it! He will even stay with the kiddos while Matt and I get away once in awhile. Sweet Papa Paul has been a "single" grandpa for 14 years now and even though he would love a companion (anybody know any hot grandmas?), he fills the grandparent post pretty well by himself. Paul is one of the most loving, caring, and generous people I know. He is genuinely concerned about each and every one of his children, their spouses, and his MANY grandchildren. He loves to play, have fun, laugh, dance, and try new things. We are all so lucky to have him in our lives. WE LOVE YOU PAPA!!!

Beach in January

A day off of school and January weather warm enough for the beach? What could be better?

***Don't feel sorry for Hailey-she was at Disneyland. Me...I was behind the camera!***

Update: The worst part of last week was the "cleaning" part of the colonoscopy and endoscopy. The gallon of crud you have to drink is unbelievably nasty. The procedure: no big deal. The dr. took 6 biopsies and now we're just waiting for results. Feeling fine.

Waaaaaaa!

Tomorrow... I'm having a colonoscopy and an endoscopy Today...I am "Cleaning for Company" ***It's sure to be a shi**y day!!!

My Daddy is My Favorite Pal!

Today is my Dad's 50th Birthday (which would make me around 25 or so). I had to take a moment to brag that I have the BEST father in the whole wide world. Growing up, people would tell my dad that they felt sorry for him because he didn't have any boys, but Dad always made us feel like he wouldn't want it any other way. He loved his girls and never failed to show it. My dad's upbringing wasn't the easiest. He was the youngest of four boys and his own father died when he was eleven, and then he lost his oldest brother when he was a teenager. He put himself through college (GO Cougars) and graduate school and has always been the best provider for his family. He drove the same old Mercedes for YEARS while putting us all through college; he never bought himself new clothes, but always made sure we had what WE needed.

My dad LOVES to have fun and go on vacations and growing up we always took trips to Hawaii, Palm Springs, yearly Ski Trips, etc. I have so many "trip" memories. One we still laugh about is every time we went to Hawaii, he'd let himself into our room in the morning, fling open the curtains and exclaim, "It's a beautiful day in paradise!" till we all woke up. Obnoxious then, funny now.

I have bragging rights over all my sisters that I "made" Mom and Dad Grandma and Grandpa. Not only is my Dad the BEST dad, but he is the BESTEST PAPA in the whole world. When my kids were little he would come over almost every night when Matt was out of town on business and help me bathe and put the kids to bed. He would also come and get the kids every Saturday morning and take them out for doughnuts and take days off of work to take them all to Disneyland. He constantly tells Hailey that she is the "perfect" grandaughter, teases and tickles and plays with my boys, and loves his "Squeak" to pieces.

Dad expected A LOT from us growing up. He always made sure we did our chores and helped Mom around the house...and he led by example-it was common for him to be seen vacuuming. He treated us wonderfully, but we were never "coddled". Dad had a way of empowering all of us as women. There was never any question that we would all attend college--education was important and so was standing up for ourselves. He and Mom taught us all to be strong women. He spent countless years coaching all of us in soccer and was a dedicated father.

I can honestly say that my Dad is one of my favorite people to be around and spend time with. He has a wicked sense of humor and is always up for a good time. He is also very loving-every time I see him I get a big hug and a kiss. My Dad has been very supportive of me in this trial I've been going through. He calls me all the time to ask how I'm doing and has assured me from the beginning that he KNOWS I will be okay. Last week he gave me a blessing that all will be well and I will be cured. Since that day, I have felt so much peace and I have physically felt SO MUCH better. I am so grateful for the priesthood in my life and for what a wonderful example of it that my Dad is. I know my Heavenly Father loves me immensely because he blessed me with a loving, supportive, amazingly fun, and WONDERFUL father who continues to teach me and take care of me. I love you Dad and Happy Birthday!

A Mystery Wrapped in An Enigma

Seriously, that's what my gastroenterologist said...that I'm a "mystery wrapped in an enigma and an enigma wrapped in a mystery". He also called me a ZEBRA, which is medical speak for something unexpected...you know, like you hear the hoofbeats and expect a horse and it's really a zebra? I like this new Dr. He seemed to really listen to me and is going to work with my Primary Care and Endocrinologist to figure me out...and SURPRISE!!!! He's ordered MORE TESTS. Next week I get to have a colonoscopy (I was hoping to wait till I was at least 50 to experience this unparalleled joy) AND an endoscopy. What fun. I also am having a thyroid/parathyroid ultrasound done the same day by my Endocrinologist. My Gastroenterologist's thought is that this is NOT carcinoid syndrome. He explained that the levels that came back with my tests were not high enough to diagnose carcinoid. Ummm....isn't this something I could have been told sooner? I spent the Holidays thinking I had cancer for crying out loud. His opinion is that it is something even rarer. Okay, let's just figure this out PLEASE!!! I'll keep everyone posted on my lovely "procedures"...I know you're all DYING to hear how my colonoscopy goes on Thursday. Happy Weekend to all.

Since I Said I'd Keep Everyone "Posted"...

Tonight I am wishing that "Private Practice" wasn't just a tv show; that these types of "practices" really existed. I want to show up (without an appointment even!) and have their collective medical minds figure out what the hell is wrong with me (although I certainly could do without all the slutty behavior). Tonight I received the following email from my endocrinologist: Allison, the Octreotide scan was also read as completely normal. I would not say these tests completely rule out carcinoid but they certainly rule out a large burden of carcinoid or any other type of neuroendocrine tumor. I'm not sure what to tell you at this point. I certainly am curious about the previous testing results however I have no definitive treatment to offer you at this point. It still may be reasonable to meet with Dr. Goldklang to get his opinion. Otherwise, observing and retesting would be my recommendation. Symptomatic treatment could also be considered. Um...Yea? While I am extremely happy that my tests do not show a "large burden of carcinoid"....WHAT THE HECK? I am so extremely frustrated Tomorrow...or should I say today since it's 1:00 am and I ain't sleeping...I have an appointment to see Dr. Goldklang-a gastroenterologist. Hopefully he will have some answers or some new insight. I feel a bit like I am being passed from one doctor to the next--being poked, prodded, asked to collect my urine (yuck!), injected with radioactive substances, scanned repeatedly, and then sent along my not-so-merry way. Meanwhile, I am extremely tired all the time, have a rapidly increasing neck and chubby face (see pic below), have serious* uh-hum* bathroom issues (I know...WAY too much info), flushing and sweating, along with high blood pressure (which is now actually too low with medication) and tachycardia. HELP!

Happy Happy Birthday Rachel Dear!

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful, funny, fabulous, genuine, gorgeous, bestest friend in the whole world! I love you girl! Go wish her a Happy Birthday HERE!!!***I'm pretty sure she turned 40.

Guilt

Today I feel guilt.

Not for the amount of naps I take lately, or all the crap I ate over the holidays. I felt guilty for bringing everyone I know and love on this journey with me. Perhaps I have been too open with my struggles of late. Perhaps I should learn to suffer in silence more. This has been a three-month journey and answers seem to be as elusive as ever.

Last week I had a CT scan and an octreotide scan done to determine where the tumors are. Even though I know CT scans rarely show any but the largest carcinoid tumors, having a “clean” scan was a good thing-but also frustrating . I am still waiting for the results of the octreotide scan (which can take about a week). My patience is growing thin…

I want answers!

I want to know what I am fighting and to START! I want to know the enemy. I want to start feeling better.

I want to stop worrying my family, friends, and loved ones.

It feels almost selfish to have so many praying, fasting, sending kind emails, and leaving loving comments on my blog. But more than guilt, is a profound feeling that this is what I need right now. I feel as if I am surrounded by the Spirit- surrounded by LOVE. People have said that I’m handling this all so well, that I am being “strong”-it is not ME being strong. ME would be freaking out right now if left to her own devices, ME would be imagining the worst . It is only with the help of my Heavenly Father and Christ that I am able to get through this trial. It is ME feeling through the Spirit the love and prayers of those around me. It is ME, being “okay” because of all of you, and more importantly…

Because of HIM

Happy New Year 2008...Sometimes the Pictures Speak for Themselves!